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The day I discovered I was old
By Robin J | July 2, 2008
I first noticed I was old when my Doctor started using “Women your age….” whenever he had something to tell me. That was my first clue but when the shop attendant asked me for my seniors card it confirmed my suspicions.
I am not sure when I started to worry about whether I was wearing clean underwear in case I got hit by a car it kind of crept upon me. Yet looking back there were tell tale signs. The tissues in the bag in case there was no toilet paper in the public washrooms, the grumbling at the young people who should know better and the putting things in a safe place never to be found again.
My Mother developed this habit as she got older of getting her words mixed up for example she would always tell people the Doctor said we had bad genies instead of genes. I would retell the story to friends laughing in the appropriate places. That was until the other day when instead of asking for a generic ink cartridge I asked for a genetic one. I ran screaming from the building blubbering “Oh my god I have turned into my mother!”
Here is a list of things that will confirm you are getting old:
1. Your medical conditions become part of daily conversation
2. You watch the New Year fireworks on television after taking a nanna nap in the afternoon
3. You have lists for everything
4. Your children start speaking slowly to you
5. The pills you take keep you alive instead of give you a high
6. You have a map of all the washrooms in the city and carry wipes because you don’t want to touch anything
If you read this list and your head started nodding I am sorry to inform you that you are either old or in need of a nap. But hey there’s an up side the seniors discount at McDonalds on tuesday, the ability to speak your mind and have people excuse your bad behavior because you are old and don’t know better. The old people’s bus that picks you up and takes you to the casino on monday’s. No more dentist visits and brushing your teeth because you now have none.
Oh well enough moaning I have a doctors appointment to go to and I need to go find some clean underwear! So bye for now or did I already say that sigh….
Topics: Contemplations | No Comments »
I am not grandma!
By Robin J | June 28, 2008
I use to think I was aging gracefully letting go of the things of youth a new age saint that was until I crossed the border from 45 to 46. Some how this seemed like one small step for people in denial and one giant leap for a menopausal graying sagging in all the wrong places woman.
I have a lovely young friend who is 26 and blessed with a beautiful two year old daughter who I am blessed to babysit every now and then. This is how our last conversation went:
Friend “I thought you were about the same age as my parents (late 50’s) wow you could have been my mother” and as if that wasn’t enough “You can be Janes adoptive grandmother.”
Now I had been thinking along the lines of Aunty Robin Grandma Robin was a bit much I think I am still suffering post traumatic stress. I did not want to be reminded the things of youth were slipping away did not wanted to be confronted with a life maybe not as I had planned.
Isn’t strange how we are conditioned to believe we should be put out to pasture after a certain age. We give up on dreams let go of ambitions take less risks cling to the familiar rather than step into the unknown.
But the Universe always has a way of dropping me little messages to shake me awake. Last night I sat with millions of others in front of the television and watched the happy birthday tribute to Nelson Mandela. Half way through the commentator spoke of how Mandela was 71 when he was released from jail. Wow at 71 he stepped into his greatness led a nation inspired the world created hope in hearts where before there was none and here I am 46 and moaning that my life was over.
I realize now the only thing limiting me is me not age because while age may slow the body it does not take away the possibilities the pathways to greatness that are available to everyone no matter how old they are.
And how blessed am I to have the honor of being a adoptive grandma to a special little girl. I can make sure she grows up knowing her greatness is not one thing it is many things strung over a lifetime and the Creator will continually put in front of her opportunities to step into this greatness until the very last breathe she takes.
Grandma Robin Signing Off
Topics: Self Growth | No Comments »
You are not that special
By Robin J | June 26, 2008
“You are not that special” My partner tells me this all the time and while you may be thinking we have a very dysfunctional relationship she actually has a very good reason for saying it.
When you have been through a life trauma or event that has shaken the foundation upon which your beliefs are built chances are life is going to become all about you.
You are going to think people are talking about you even when they are not. You are going to see motives where there are none. You are going to believe the universe is deliberately going out of it’s way to make your life miserable. But guess what you are not that special.
Let me clarify in the lives of other people you are not that special most people have already moved on while we are still sitting there thinking “I just know she was talking about me to him”. They go about their lives oblivious to the fact we believe they have wronged us.
Do not get me wrong you are indeed a child of the universe with the seed of greatness planted within but when it comes to strangers and even at times our own family and friends we are not that special.
And when we get this fact it allows us to let go and move on rather than sit and waste precious energy over things our ego mind threw up to keep us entangled in our thoughts.
When my partner says “You are not that special” I know I am being told that I am taking things way too seriously. I can step back and go wow these are some big assumptions I am making. Maybe she is right they are not talking about me and how would I know if I cannot hear what they are saying. And why should it worry me anyway and more importantly why am I wasting time worrying about it when I could be off doing something else.
We get so invested in our assumptions we forget sometimes it simply is not about us. Sometimes people are grumpy, abrasive, sad and it has nothing to do with us. Sometimes people are dealing with their own issues struggling with the very same thoughts we are. Yeah you got it we are all the same mere mortals putting one foot in front of the other.
So when I say “You are not that special” I really do mean it! But do not be disheartened because now rather than dancing with your ego mind you can channel that energy into creating the life you want.
Topics: Lets talk | 1 Comment »
What you don’t like cats!
By Robin J | June 22, 2008
Some days the human population is a constant source of amusement for me or confusion I am not sure which. I have talked before at great length about the misconceptions surrounding the term spiritual it never ceases to amaze me what some people think it entails to a be a spiritual person.
Try and follow me as I take you through an interesting conversation my partner had with a person we shall name Bob. Bob has cats a couple to be precise and Robin that’s me has none not because I dislike cats they are just not my pet of choice and I have an aversion to litter trays. We also have a very large puppy who having never encountered a cat would probably trapple it with his big boofy paws.
Anyway getting back to the topic. Bob apparently wanted us to keep his cats while he was away no biggie except for the reasons I stated above. My partner diplomatic soul she is said “We will come over feed and check on them because Robin doesn’t get on well with cats”.
This was the reply “I thought she was this spiritual person!” Sigh so I guess my cover is blown I am actually a mere mortal like the rest of you. And I will shatter all of your illusions, when people talk on mobile phones in movie theatres when the movie is running I get a tad grumpy. When people take up 2 seats on the bus while everyone else is standing you will see the smoke coming out of my ears. Oh and just for good measure I do not like rude ignorant people.
So I guess I am not that spiritual after all….but hey I try and live an authentic life which by the way involves standing in your truth. I try to walk through this life with as much grace, dignity and compassion as I can muster. I try to practice what I preach walk the talk so to speak.
Oh well when I get to heaven or where ever it is I am going I will have to be asked to be forgiven for my sins and the fact I never owned a cat!
Topics: The Last Word | No Comments »
Lets talk!
By Robin J | June 18, 2008
Ever notice how people cringe when you say lets talk? They go on the defensive immediately the walls go up the battle lines are drawn even before a word is uttered. Then when you try and explain it isn’t about them it is about an issue, situation or event it automatically becomes about them.
I have been doing this little experiment I like to call it ‘Open dialogue with a twist of honesty thrown in’. And this is what I have discovered, a lot of people find open dialogue confronting, some people will even get angry and abusive. Why maybe because as a society we are not taught this skill or maybe we are so convinced it is all about us we cannot recognize when it isn’t.
These are a few of my other observations. Firstly it is incredibly hard not to become defensive when someone is questioning your opinion or the way you are doing things. Secondly when the conversation is turned around and you are on the receiving end of some truths which don’t sit well again it is difficult to keep the lines of communication open.
However if you can keep an open mind and heart, listen and really hear what is being said then things will change. Attitudes will soften, positions will shift and respect will flow between all concerned.
This life lesson is a valuable tool it helps you create an authentic life rather than an illusion. So next time someone say’s “Let’s talk” smile broadly and answer ” I thought you would never ask”.
Topics: Lets talk | No Comments »
What can I do to create change in my life now
By Robin J | June 17, 2008
The question most asked is ‘What can I do to create change in my life now?’ While I am no self proclaimed guru I do have some thoughts on this topic which will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me.
So buckle up! Firstly keep in mind change is almost always going to meet resistance, think six degrees of separation. What you do is going to impact on other people indirectly or directly and not everyone is going to be a happy camper. People love familiarity it gives them security and comfort so be prepared. When you push a little they are going to push back even harder face it they like the old you the new you may force them to look at themselves and trust me the mirror can be a scary place for people in denial.
After you have accepted you might meet a little resistance to whatever changes you wish to implement and you have made a commitment to keep moving forward no matter what you are ready for the next step.
Take a breathe take another before you take a step be okay with who you are and where you are right now because it is true you are enough just as you are.
So next come the tough questions what do you want to change? And why do you want to change it? Is it because you want to create an authentic life of depth and passion if so good for you! But be honest with yourself if you are not the only thing you will create is an illusion.
There is no magic formula to change other than a commitment to change. It is a single step in any given direction on any given day. It doesn’t have to be drastic or dramatic it can be as simple as taking a different road to work or doing something different that takes you out of the familiar and into the unknown. You would be surprised how little things fall into your pathway when you let go of expectations and flow with life as it comes your way.
It might be as simple as acknowledging old patterns of behavor and creating new ones. In fact we watched a program last night that suggested saying these words every morning “Something wonderful is going to happen to me today!”
My final words of advice is let go of the need to change and be open to change there is a big difference. The universe is continually placing endless possibilities in front of us but we keep choosing to hold onto the familiar.
Ahhh Grasshopper a caterpillar changes into a butterfly by standing still. Think about it….
Topics: Self Growth | No Comments »
Words on a headstone
By Robin J | June 16, 2008
Loving partner, devoted wife, cherished sister, missed child what words will grace my headstone? As winter covers the landscape in a comfort blanket of white I try and place a lifetime onto a square piece of marble. But it is impossible to put it all into one sentence. Not that I am thinking of leaving the planet anytime soon, too much unfinished work to do. It’s just a contemplation a middle aged thought process, the kind that happens when time begins to slip away.
Strange isn’t it how we have a need to know how people see us at the end and yet do not worry about the impression we leave at the beginning.
An old man whose memory is fading sits in an armchair staring at a picture of two cowboys and everyday he tells his wife how much he loves this picture although he cannot remember who the artist is. He may never remember but it doesn’t matter I didn’t create the art for fame. Maybe one day the words will read ‘She gave joy to others’.
My son sleeps every night in a bed I built a solid wood structure but we are in different countries now yet the bed with all it’s meaning brings me to him in a way an email never could. Perhaps the words will read ‘Will always be with us’.
Before I left Australia I sold several large pieces of art at a flea market to a lady for a $100 well below what they were truly worth. She took four weeks to pay off the debt in $25 installments. Now in a run down government house with stained carpets and broken pipes there is a magical wall of art that gives her a sense of pride, hope, dignity and a way to escape the stark reality of her situation. Maybe the words will read ‘Touched the lives of many’.
As the sun begins to disappear in a blaze of crimson and i look outside at the bare trees laden with snow I think maybe there should be no more words left to write when I leave. I think I will ask they throw me up into the wind in one final act of giving back to the universe and let nature be my tombstone.
Topics: Words on a headstone | 1 Comment »
Playing in the sandbox
By Robin J | June 15, 2008
Have you noticed how often grown men and women play in the sandbox? Now you may think this is wonderful the releasing of the inner child but unfortunately it is often the case of the critical child or the unforgiving child or the selfish child.
For instance ever been involved in dialogue with another adult and had the ‘You said it first’ conversation or the ‘It wasn’t me it was her’ conversation?
Don’t tell me you haven’t, all of us at some time or other get dragged into the sandpit with the other children. And once you are in there it is very hard not become protective or defensive of your own opinions. It is also tough to sort out who is playing what game and the rules.
You will get grown ups always needing to have the last word because some how this makes you right or gives you superhero powers. You will get grown ups who will throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their own way and those who will play along because they want everyone to like them.
And every now and then you will get an aware soul who will realize how petty and small these things are in the big scheme of the world. An awake soul who will smile let go of his/her critical/angry/small self and walk towards solutions rather than slinging mud.
And sometimes you simply have to get out of the sandpit take your bat and ball and go home because it is not always necessary to be right or have the last word. Sometimes you have to move into acceptance with as much grace and dignity as you can muster hoping the current of goodwill you project will pull others in. Think about it….
Topics: Contemplations | 1 Comment »
Don’t even get me started!
By Robin J | June 12, 2008
Being spiritual does involve working for the highest good of all concerned but and here is the misconception it does not mean excusing every behavor.
That falls under the umbrella we are given by society the ‘You should always do the right thing’. And I would ask who judges what the ‘right’ thing is and why should we feel obligated to fix rescue or put our own needs aside to do this ‘right’ thing.
Like I said don’t even get me started….
I never do the right thing yes you heard correctly never!
When I do something it is because it resonates with my highest self with my heart and soul not because it is an handed down obligation. I help others when I am guided to do so when I know instinctively my presence in their life will make a different.
Psst I will let you in on a secret you are not the only Earth Angel and sometimes you need to let people figure out their own life lesson or stand unaided in their truth or let them find their own pathway.
The ‘right’ thing please do you really think Creator is like the parent who sticks gold stars on a chart everytime you do a good deed and if you get ten gold stars you go to heaven? I don’t think so because it all comes back to intent this is what creates the light not guilt or obligation or feelings of shame but intent.
My intent is highest good compassion love I do what I do out of love for another human being not because someone has made me feel guilty or society has told me I am obligated.
Now here is the bit most people do not get, I can speak my truth even if it does not resonate with yours because it is our highest good to have no deception in our relationship. When someone is rude to me I can address their behavor because it is in my highest good to have clear boundaries and it is in their highest good to know their behavor has caused me to feel a certain way.
I can be compassionate, loving all of the above and still voice my truth. Surprise surprise being spiritual doesn’t mean being a doormat or a mouse or a saint.
But again here’s the thing to remember you have to be willing to practice what you preach. Because maybe one day someone will say something to you which won’t be what you want to hear but maybe what you need to hear. Perhaps when you step on a toe someone will go ouch and you will have to say sorry.
It’s a bit egotistical to think I am the only person who can help someone a bit naive to think the world will fall apart without me helping to put all the pieces back to together and a tad unrealistic to think turning the other cheek is going to suddenly make someone repent their sins.
Being spiritual is not about being ignorant or submissive it is about being aware and awake so you can make conscious choices that reflect the highest good of all involved.
I know sooner or later I will get another one of those ‘People’ who will go “Oh and I thought you were so spiritual” in reference to me telling an obnoxious person to take their bad behavor else where. Sigh but don’t get me started….
Topics: The Last Word | 3 Comments »
Moving house a life reminder
By Robin J | May 26, 2008
Moving house is a stressful business but that aside it also brings with it important life lessons. We are forced to look through the things of past and ask “Do I really need this?”. We have garage sales getting rid of clutter we question what to bring into our new home and what to leave behind.
There will be things we have outgrown, things held onto purely for sentimental purposes and those items we never really wanted in the first place.
Personally I think everyone should move house every ten years if only to shift them from their comfort couch of familiarity.
Self growth is all about continually cleaning up the clutter in your life. We should be asking ourselves the same questions in terms of our beliefs the things we hold to be true. We need to have a spiritual garage sale throwing out that which no longer serves our highest good and replacing worn out ideas. Yet we don’t do this we go about life same old same old.
If we don’t like something we hide it in our minds basement out of sight out of mind or often re-gift them often to our children. For example levels of expectation are often re-gifted through the generations as are dysfunctional patterns of behavior.
People are often reluctant to throw anything out when they move arguing “Oh I might need it one day” but the truth is they are not holding onto the object but the comfort and safety that comes with familiarity.
In order to grow into an authentic life of abundance we need to move our spiritual house every now and then. Have a garage sale throw out any outdated beliefs that no longer suit us and replace them with new ones. We need to unpack the emotional baggage sort through it it’s hard work but you do not want it tied to you everywhere you go.
What moving house has taught me is the lighter the load you carry the easier it is to get to where you are going.
Think about it….
Topics: Self Growth | 2 Comments »
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